Now, Trump enrolls in JNU to increase his liberal credentials!!!

Jai Guru Deva,

In a desperate bid of image changeover, Donald Trump decides to enroll himself in JNU for showing the republicans and rest of the universe the liberal side of his personality. "This is not a hasty decision after cancelling a couple of rallies but a well thought out decision by Donald. We are pretty confident that this gambit will work in our favor. After all, JNU is the Mecca err.. Jerusalem of liberal thinking where even public urination is treated as a gesture of liberty" explained one of his supporters. Several jobless guys analysts believe that this will swing the tide decisively in favor of Trump.  "I think this will help him, till now everybody accused him as prejudiced, hate monger, white supremacist. But once he enrolls in JNU he will naturally become a liberal thinker. I'm sure he will stop muslim bashing and will start wearing a rumi cap to display how progressive and liberal he has become" remarked one of the analyst while cleaning the accumulated dust in his ears. However, not all is well in Republican party. Republican leaders who spent $38M to stop Donald Trump are dumbstruck with this development. "Had he did this before, we would have saved $38M and thats hell lot of a money" groaned one of the angry leader. 

On the other side, Prof. Memon of JNU welcomed Donald Trump into the University. She explained that "By not belonging to the most violent Hindu religion he has a natural qualification for liberal thinking. Now, all he has to do is some practice with Azadi slogans and I'm sure he will be good at it. I wish he takes slogans like Azadi from Wall Street, Azadi from Manhattan and Azadi from Statue of Liberty to showcase his liberal thought process." Self certified senior journalists of Indian media were delighted with this move. Burkha Dutt declared that she is already planning a series like "From a real estate tycoon to Liberal Thinker: Journey of Donald Trump" while her compatriot Rajdeep Sardesai declared that he will allocate one chapter of his next book for Donald Trump. "Seems Zee group bought India Today so I will be job less again and will have to write something. Will write about Trump and Old Monk. Subhratri!" tweeted Sardesai. The editorial of The Hindu has praised that the move of Donald Trump will put an end to caste politics in universities. N.Ram the owner of the newspaper has written an article explaining what kind of Liberal champion Trump will become once he joins JNU. Popular stand up comedian and part time politician Laloo Prasad Yadav is also  jubilant with the news. "Trumpwa to Bihar ka beta hein. Hum usko maha ghatbandhan ki istrategy sikha yenge"

Amidst all of these, students of JNU are busy with their preparations to welcome Donald Trump. Girls of the University are already wearing T-shirts with vintage Trump's photo along side caption "My darling Donald". When asked about how much they like Trump, one of the girl said "I actually dont know that guy, he should be a poet or something. But the color of this T-shirt matches with my nail polish and they are cheaper and have better quality than what they sell in Sarojini Nagar market. So I purchased one for myself  and my friend"

Whole world is waiting when Donald Trump will come out and urinate publicly shout slogans supporting Palestine and other holy places of liberalism.

Sarvejana Sukhinobhavantu,

-Karthik

Open Letter to Mr. N. Ram and "The Hindu"

Jai Guru Deva Mr. Ram,

I have name but I prefer not to mention because that is irrelevant and immaterial to what I'm writing today. But Mr. Ram, I wanted to claim that I belong to a typical South Indian family who relishes the combination of filter coffee and Hindu paper. I also want to state that I'm an admirer of your paper for the last two decades which roughly translates to 60% of my life. Even today, I have an yearly subscription to The Hindu.(this time your agent gave me for 500 rupees only) I cherish my high school days when I had collected notes from The Hindu to read in my school assembly. However, off late I'm disheartened to see the quality of news/articles/opinions of your esteemed news paper. You have all the right in the world to term the following paragraphs of this letter as personal rant but my dear sir, I swear I am writing this to express my anguish. Nothing more, nothing less!

When MF Hussain was given Qatar nationality, I was shocked to see you, Mr. Ram writing an article claiming that Mr. Hussain "breathes the spirit of modernity, progress and tolerance". Let me tell you sir, if Mr. Hussain is all that you mentioned in your article then the left parties who claim to champion modern/progressive thinking should replace their emblem of hammer/sickle with Sunny Leone in some pose that I dont want to mention here. I want to bring to your notice that Mr.Hussain opted to move out because he should have been cooling his legs in Tihar jail if he hadnt taken that option. Unfortunately enough, freedom of expression is not absolute and dragging some one to court is not unconstitutional!

Come 2014, just before the general elections your esteemed news paper was completely mute about all the scams of UPA rule. All your editorials/opinions stopped mentioning anything about the failure of  UPA. In fact, you brought out the data scientist hiding in you and personally wrote an article explaining through numbers how BJP cannot come to power in 2014. One of the editorials praised Mr. Rahul Gandhi for his speech in AICC meeting. Till that day sir, for whatever reasons people used to hate you. But since then people started to pity you doubting your mental soundness.

When a pub was allegedly attacked by Hindu groups in Mangalore, it happens to be your main page high font size heading but when Muslim organizations attacked police stations and other law enforcement agencies in Bihar/Bengal you have allocated a small 4x4 box in the inner pages of your paper. Even worse, you stated that "mobs" attacked police stations. I know only one term that suits this behaviour and that is "Bias". Pray explain, why this bias?

Sometime back, there was a cartoon in your esteemed paper about the Turban of the then Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Next day, you had given an explanation in the "Letters to Editor" section saying it was not meant to hurt the sentiments of Sikhs. I think  you did the right thing by giving an explanation. I appreciate your gesture! But as late as last week you had a cartoon with Lord Hanuman and making fun of the accident in Mumbai's "Make In India" event. I am still waiting to see any explanation from your end. Pray explain, why Hindu Gods are inferior to that of other religions? And by choosing an accident to attack your political enemies you seem to be satisfying your ego of self righteousness.

Another thing I want to touch upon is about your political affiliation. I had seen your tweet to oppose BJP in Bihar elections and I completely understand that you are anti BJP for reasons better known to you. I dont know from a moral stand point, how fair it is for a media house to take a political stance. You may conveniently snub me saying "every media house have political affiliation these days". But not every media house has the rich legacy of The Hindu. Coming back to my actual point, amidst the rage of opposing BJP you are going too far and ending up attacking Hindu religion. Like your other compatriots, you may abuse me by calling Bhakt/Sanghi/Cheddi but I'm sorry to say sir, your anti Hindu bias is out and open.

Finally a personal note:

Traditions sir, are a test of our self discipline. However great may they be, owing to our mortal capabilities, we cant hold on to all of the traditions that we receive from our previous generations. You stopped your tradition of Sankranti dhoti/saree to your employees. Probably, time has come for me to rethink about the tradition of patronizing The Hindu which I received from my Grand Parents, Parents and Uncles. 

Sarvejana Sukhinobhavantu,

-Karthik