Management Lessons from Rahul Gandhi

Jai Guru Deva,

Yesterday was a solar eclipse and my mother is worried that myself who was born in Kumbha rasi will be negatively impacted by that. Initially I didnt belive that but now that seems to be true :( Firstly, I got fever and was forced to take a day off from work and today for some strange cosmic mystic spiritual reasons I'm finding several management lessons in the speeches of Rahul Gandhi. Let me be a little magnanimous and give you a glimpse of the knowledge the uncrowned prince of grand old party is distributing free of cost. After all, IIMA grads learnt management techniques from Laloo Prasad Yadav. 

Fruit of Knowledge 1: 10 out of 7

Only Rahul Gandhi can count 10 out of 7. But jealousy bhakts criticized him as pappu. They failed to understand the hidden message present in this. All the management gurus say "Go Extra Mile" and this is Rahul baba's way of saying that. what can be the extra mile than counting 10 when you have only 7. God damn Sanghis never think out of box!

Fruit of Knowledge 2: Thrill (maza) to every women congress worker

Today, as we speak every company is trying to become an equal opportunity employer. Same way, Rahul baba also wants enjoyment distributed across all the women congress workers. Whats so wrong about it? After all, he is the self declared champion of women empowerment in the last two thousand years. if you have any doubts about this go and watch frankly barking sorry speaking with Arnab Goswami.

Fruit of Knowledge 3: Politics in Pants

Corrupted minds cannot understand the profound message behind this claim. You see, all the corporate scandals for that matter any scandal happens because of only two things: Money and Lust. So Rahul baba is warning everybody to be wary of scandals and keep themselves clean. Atleast now you should believe Rahul baba is the best thing to happen for planet earth after sliced bread!

Fruit of Knowledge 4: This morning I woke up at night

This is perhaps the most mind blowing piece of $h!t sorry knowledge from Rahul baba. Negative minds and mediocre beings cannot apprehend the cryptic meaning behind this. If you want to go places in your career you have to work hard. which means you have to work at night but you should think that as morning. Communal Hindus never understood this while secular colleagues like Sanjay Jha and Digvijay Singh clearly understood the essence.

Fruit of Knowledge 5: India is bigger than Europe and United States put together

This is actually a master stroke by Rahul Gandhi. BJP cyber army ridiculed this and rest of shameless netizens laughed at this. But this is a message which shows the patriot hiding inside Rahul baba. If you put together all the public places where people spit without a second thought, that will be far more than the whole of Europe and USA put together. So the message here is about the hygienic sense one should have. Those who doesnt understand this are clearly agents of suit boot ki sarkar.

Will decode some more of Rahul baba's cryptics messages after the next eclipse!

Sarvejana Sukhinobhavantu,

-Karthik

Open Letter to Mr. N. Ram and "The Hindu"

Jai Guru Deva Mr. Ram,

I have name but I prefer not to mention because that is irrelevant and immaterial to what I'm writing today. But Mr. Ram, I wanted to claim that I belong to a typical South Indian family who relishes the combination of filter coffee and Hindu paper. I also want to state that I'm an admirer of your paper for the last two decades which roughly translates to 60% of my life. Even today, I have an yearly subscription to The Hindu.(this time your agent gave me for 500 rupees only) I cherish my high school days when I had collected notes from The Hindu to read in my school assembly. However, off late I'm disheartened to see the quality of news/articles/opinions of your esteemed news paper. You have all the right in the world to term the following paragraphs of this letter as personal rant but my dear sir, I swear I am writing this to express my anguish. Nothing more, nothing less!

When MF Hussain was given Qatar nationality, I was shocked to see you, Mr. Ram writing an article claiming that Mr. Hussain "breathes the spirit of modernity, progress and tolerance". Let me tell you sir, if Mr. Hussain is all that you mentioned in your article then the left parties who claim to champion modern/progressive thinking should replace their emblem of hammer/sickle with Sunny Leone in some pose that I dont want to mention here. I want to bring to your notice that Mr.Hussain opted to move out because he should have been cooling his legs in Tihar jail if he hadnt taken that option. Unfortunately enough, freedom of expression is not absolute and dragging some one to court is not unconstitutional!

Come 2014, just before the general elections your esteemed news paper was completely mute about all the scams of UPA rule. All your editorials/opinions stopped mentioning anything about the failure of  UPA. In fact, you brought out the data scientist hiding in you and personally wrote an article explaining through numbers how BJP cannot come to power in 2014. One of the editorials praised Mr. Rahul Gandhi for his speech in AICC meeting. Till that day sir, for whatever reasons people used to hate you. But since then people started to pity you doubting your mental soundness.

When a pub was allegedly attacked by Hindu groups in Mangalore, it happens to be your main page high font size heading but when Muslim organizations attacked police stations and other law enforcement agencies in Bihar/Bengal you have allocated a small 4x4 box in the inner pages of your paper. Even worse, you stated that "mobs" attacked police stations. I know only one term that suits this behaviour and that is "Bias". Pray explain, why this bias?

Sometime back, there was a cartoon in your esteemed paper about the Turban of the then Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Next day, you had given an explanation in the "Letters to Editor" section saying it was not meant to hurt the sentiments of Sikhs. I think  you did the right thing by giving an explanation. I appreciate your gesture! But as late as last week you had a cartoon with Lord Hanuman and making fun of the accident in Mumbai's "Make In India" event. I am still waiting to see any explanation from your end. Pray explain, why Hindu Gods are inferior to that of other religions? And by choosing an accident to attack your political enemies you seem to be satisfying your ego of self righteousness.

Another thing I want to touch upon is about your political affiliation. I had seen your tweet to oppose BJP in Bihar elections and I completely understand that you are anti BJP for reasons better known to you. I dont know from a moral stand point, how fair it is for a media house to take a political stance. You may conveniently snub me saying "every media house have political affiliation these days". But not every media house has the rich legacy of The Hindu. Coming back to my actual point, amidst the rage of opposing BJP you are going too far and ending up attacking Hindu religion. Like your other compatriots, you may abuse me by calling Bhakt/Sanghi/Cheddi but I'm sorry to say sir, your anti Hindu bias is out and open.

Finally a personal note:

Traditions sir, are a test of our self discipline. However great may they be, owing to our mortal capabilities, we cant hold on to all of the traditions that we receive from our previous generations. You stopped your tradition of Sankranti dhoti/saree to your employees. Probably, time has come for me to rethink about the tradition of patronizing The Hindu which I received from my Grand Parents, Parents and Uncles. 

Sarvejana Sukhinobhavantu,

-Karthik